Should

Rifat Mahbub

Have you ever wondered which word weighs you down the most?
No, it’s not failure, not refusal, not even death or dying
for they all can be ‘freedoming’.
The word that hunches you down is:
SHOULD

Should is the deafening roar
that rumbles inside your head.
Should is the stony bloat
in your lower abdomen.
A tightening of the chest, a breathless moment,
A panic attack, a nano-second death.

Should – a strange limbo
Between doing and undoing your guilt
Between holding tight and letting go
what is not meant for you.

“You should be happy” – robs the happiness away.
“You should be grateful” – makes you forever ungrateful.
“You should forget who you love” — the ghost of the person remains.
“You should be proud of yourself” — why does shame shadow pride?
“You should be in control of your life” — why does life slip away through your withering fingers?

Should only makes sense when you play tit-for-tat
You should hate as they hate
You should kill as they kill
You should forget as they forget
You should cheat as they cheat
You should ghost as they do

Only nobody says

They should love as you do
They should nurture as you do
They should remember as you do.

Should — the sugar-coated mouthful
that only demands silence, silence, and silence.